8 Lies I’ve Told Myself

(I think we can all relate to #4)

We all lie. I mean, I try to pretend like I’m perfect, but I’m human. I can almost 95% guarantee that it’s really hard for me to lie, especially to other people. I have a huge tell: I turn bright red, can’t make eye contact, seem flustered. I’m also an introvert, so that also describes about 99% of my daily interactions with people. Just kidding (sort of).

But in all honesty, I do lie sometimes, but most notably to myself. And the reason I’m writing this blog post is because I think some of my “self-lies” are probably pretty common. I didn’t do a poll or anything, it’s just an inkling that I have. Because I can’t possibly be the only person who says they’re only going to have one chocolate kiss when there’s a bowl full of them and then leave behind two. Come on, show of hands. We’ve all done it.

So while this is certainly a light-hearted post, I’m also scratching away at some deeper issues. Like why sometimes young women with careers can’t seem to find time to eat dinner. It happens. But seriously, why? I worked All. Damned. Day. I want a meal, not a bowl of cereal over the sink.  

If you can’t relate to any of these, I want to know your secret. How are you so good at being an adult? Because, obviously, I have to lie to myself about being one.

Lie #1: I have never eaten an entire sleeve of Girl Scout’s Thin Mints in one sitting. Why are they soooooo good?! And they’re not cheap. Those little scouts are charging $4/box for that chocolately goodness and I can devour the entire thing in about an hour. And you can’t say no to those cute little faces who are just trying to earn their badges. Yet, after cookie season, I’ve gained probably five pounds and I’m flat out broke. It’s not fair.

Lie #2: If I want ice cream, I’ll just take a spoonful out of the carton. Just one bite. Yeah, I’ve said one bite many a time that have turned into an entire pint. Time literally stops as I engorge chocolate chip cookie dough. Why do I think that I can just stop? Why don’t I just take out a bowl and scoop myself a portion? There’s a fine line between “just a taste” and “I think I’m going to be sick.” I’ve crossed that line on too many occasions. I’m not proud. But I worked all day and ice cream soothes my soul. I just don’t want it to soothe my waistline. So I lie to myself and say “Just one bite.”

Lie #3: I did not enjoy the Twilight series. It’s a poorly-written young adult series that was turned into a movie starring Kristen Stewart. Nothing in that sentence sounds appealing.  There is no way I enjoyed reading those books. Yet, I couldn’t put them down and read all four awful, yet amazing, novels in my dorm room junior year of college. And I would do it again even though I’m 28. I don’t think I went to class. And for once in my life, I don’t know if I even stopped for meals, but those books had me enthralled. I’m ashamed (I’m not ashamed).

Lie #4: I don’t compare myself to others. I really don’t like people who sit around and think their life sucks. I can 100% promise you that I’m not one of those people. But we live in a world of seeing everything that people are doing every second of the day. There are times when I see someone from high school that really irked me back then and when I see they are now globe-trotting or running a company, I get a little bit jealous. I really don’t think I’m doing all that bad in life, but we all have those moments  (at least I think we all do) when we see someone doing something amazing, and think “I wish that were me.” Even if it’s just for a second. But I don’t think that’s healthy. We shouldn’t do that. YOU are awesome. Just remember that.

Lie #5: I will only drink one drink tonight. Okay, I’m not in college anymore, so there are definitely nights where my limit needs to be one drink. But sometimes that one can make you a little tipsy and then it’s really easy to say, “okay, just one more.” Um, it’s not cool. I should stop doing that. It’s just that after a really long work week, sometimes one just ain’t enough, you know? In all honesty, I do have pretty good self control (do not read above lies), but there are times when another just sounds too good to say no.

Lie #6: I’m going to make my lunch every day to save money. I go through stages where I am super on top of this. I make my shopping list on Sunday, go to the store, meal prep, done. But the demands of being a working adult sometimes get in the way. Like when I want to sleep in on Sunday, so by the time I get to the grocery store it’s like noon and by then it’s too crowded to actually go in. Yeah, I’ve had plenty of drives on Sunday where I ride down the street to the store, pull a U-y in the parking lot and then immediately drive home. It’s fun, you should try it sometime.

Lie #7: I’m going to wake up early to work out. HA! No. I really have to laugh at this one.  Never have I ever. Can’t even elaborate on this one because it’s so much of a farce. I’m not a morning person. I’m not really an evening person either. I really hit my peak at like 11am. That’s pretty sad for a working adult, but hey, it is what it is.  

Lie #8: I don’t like surprises. I mean, I really don’t. But sometimes, I do. I don’t like being surprised by someone hiding and jumping out and yelling at me. I scare easily, so that’s not cool. But there are times when small surprises are really cool. Like when my boyfriend remembered a special day that wasn’t an anniversary, but was still meaningful. I wasn’t expecting him to remember, but he did and he surprised me by taking me out to dinner. That was cool. I like those kinds of surprises. But loud noises and confetti in my face? No. Definitely, no.

Well, there you have it. I’m usually a very honest, upstanding person, but occasionally I tell lies. Just mostly to myself. Please tell me I’m not the only one who feels the need to tell myself white lies. Please join me in my reverie. What little lies have you told yourself? Drop me a note in the comments below.